[Undated letter published in the Sheridan Gazette.]

To the Editor,

It is a sad day in America, the land of religious freedom, when a Church cannot practice important sacraments that reflect its devout worship of deities and social principles that vary from the norm without being subject to the harshest derogatory slanders. I speak, of course, of your cruel words in the editorial section of the Gazette, wherein reference is made to the horribly biased report on the events at the SubGenius Church’s Baltimore Convention.

How would others like it if callous comment were made about priests who obviously have a bat in the belfry since they think they are turning water into wine after they mumble in their beards over it? What about the grim horror of turning bread into flesh, human flesh, and then consuming it?

Or what of the ones with screws loose, that think God is speaking through them when they throw their hands in the air and babble like morons?

How about the ones who lost their marbles, and pretend that by sitting on pillows and thinking about Buddha, one can achieve a valuable state of mind, variously referred to as “Nothingness” or “Emptiness”? Or the ones who went off the deep end, and read strange backward writing by some weirdo named Mohammed, who wants them to kiss the dirt three times a day?

Our church, like many others, has suffered terrible persecution down through the ages, but it hasn’t shaken our faith in the Divine Fallibility of our saviour, “Bob” Dobbs. We plan to buy about 700 miles worth of ranchland in and around Billings to set up our EndTimes Monastery; soon we’ll be in your area and you can get the story straight.

Yours, T.O.D.
Tribunal Overdrive, High Pope of the Unpredictable

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